turtletastic's Datingish

Hmm.

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 20:59:17 GMT

So the other day, my boyfriend and I got in a fight about this girl from his workplace...

Apparently before we went out, she started working at the same theater he did, and they started hanging out. Summer was on the horizon and she was finishing up her sophomore year of high school, and he was finishing his freshman year of college. Right away, he made it clear that they would only be friends--He didn't see himself with someone that much younger than him. However, they had a lot in common, and he enjoyed talking to her, so they would quite often go get food together on breaks, and occasionally even go out to eat before or after work.

Eventually, she started to like him a lot, and she started spreading rumors around their workplace that they he was going to ask her out soon, or that they were going to be a couple soon... Or something to that extent. At that point, my boyfriend stopped talking to her altogether because he had made it clear from the start that they were strictly friends.

Fastforward about a year and my boyfriend and I have been going out eleven months, and she's dated another guy from their work and had a crush on another coworker. My boyfriend has started talking to her again at work (again, strictly as friends), and still really enjoys her company as a friend. He has stated numerous times that she is a really cool person. Okay, I still don't have a problem.

However, the other day, I was looking through some of the texts he sent (don't give me grief; we do it to each other and have no problem with it) and one of them said something to the extent of "You know I love you ... I just get jealous and I'm dumb and you suck etc" and then another one saying, "Honestly, I at least want to be friends with you, even though theres multiple reasons why we can't really..." (Don't quote me exactly... I'm going from memory here)

Emotionally, I was red hot, steaming, and ready to explode. What the hell? I occasionally tell my very close friends I love them, but even then, I only say it in a really bad situation, when they're feeling down or upset. And here he is spewing the words it took him two months to say to me to some girl he's (in his opinion) not even really friends with! What!

So naturally I confronted him about it right away... He explained a couple things, and initially he said he would have no problem if I said I love you to Jay (my best guy friend who he sometimes gets a little jealous of). I then asked him what he would think if he found that text sent to one of my guy friends that I'm not that close to, and he apologized after that.

His explanation was, they were working together as ushers that day, and she had a crush on this guy from their work who didn't really like her back, and she got really depressed or emotional at work, and he was acting more like a supervisor than a friend (basically telling her to do her job), and she got even more upset and got angry at him, and thus he texted her to try to make her feel better. With regards to the comment about jealousy, he said there was a concert that she was going to with her friend and her mom of a band he wanted to see, and she had an extra ticket and invited him. He said no because he knew I'd probably get upset if he asked me, and he said he was jealous that other people got to hang out with her and he never really had that chance.

Now, yes. I would have been pissed. Because he was supposed to go to a concert with me and my friends this summer and he backed out because he said he couldn't get out of work. He also said he didn't want to ask for our one year anniversary off of work because he'd been asking for days off lately (one of them for a family event, which I understand). So. If he had asked for the day off to go to this concert with a girl he's hardly friends with and not for our anniversary, which we've been planning on celebrating for quite some time now, I would be exceptionally hurt.

Anyway, last night he told me he had talked to her about it at work that day, and has assured me he is going to keep his distance from her from now on...

Do you think this sounds reasonable?

Sense of Humor?

Sun, 17 May 2009 03:31:06 GMT

When datingish asked what the most important quality you looked for in a potential SO, almost everyone said "a sense of humor." Even my mom agrees with this... When I first started going out with guys, she told me, "Carrie, above all make sure you find a guy with a good sense of humor."

This is a no-brainer, really. You want someone who can make you smile, and if that person doesn't get your sense of humor, then how can they possibly make you laugh/smile?

And what about the times when you fight? After a lot of crying and harsh words, you have to have someone who will make you laugh.. It's good for you and helps you relieve stress.

Yea... I mean, the list goes on and on, but I really think anyone interested in a guy who they do not connect with sense-of-humor-wise should rethink! I mean, really, I had some really great physical chemistry with one of my exes, but we were at somewhat of a disconnect as far as sense of humor is concerned... And it didn't last past 2 months.

My current boyfriend and I are both a smidge immature in our senses of humor and almost always laugh at the same things. And we're 9 months and still going strong. :)

You know what they say...
"Live, Laugh, Love."
There's a reason laugh comes before love! :P

pictures!

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 05:32:01 GMT

1. A picture of you in your room.

I think this is when I had my old desk. :o

2. A picture of you feeling very energetic.

I'm not sure energetic quite covers this.

3. A picture of you on your birthday.

Not my birthday, but it was my 19th birthday party, so I think that kinda counts. At Huntington Beach, funtimes. :x

4. The youngest picture of yourself you can find in digital form.

midget. :]

5. A picture of you in one of your favorite outfits.

Just for now I like this, it's a step in my progression to dress more feminine, yay!

6. A picture of you making a goofy face at the camera.

Clearly I'm not the only one...

7. A picture of you in a team or club you were in.

Physics Club, still am in it. These are very wonderful people. :)

8. A picture of a day or night you regret.
Only one of those nights and I didn't take pictures.

9. A picture of the real you.

colorful, eccentric, a smidge dorky, and using a carribeaner, because I'd leave my keys everywhere if I didn't.

10. The most recent picture of you.

This was at Six Flags, the day I went when Alex was on his spring break... fun stuff. :)

11. A picture of you being absolutely ridiculous.

Yes I'm wearing a turtle on my head and wearing someone else's glasses. :x

12. A picture of a time in your life that's over, but you wish it wasn't.
Eh! I'm happy where I am. :x

13. A picture of a time in your life that's over, and you couldn't be more thankful that it is.

I had fun at Warped Tour last summer, and I enjoyed the Chipotle afterwards, but that's not what I'm referring to...
Can you see how sunburned I am here? Yea, the peeling and pain that ensued from this sunburn... Dang I'm glad it's over. :x

14. A picture of you that you had no idea was being taken.

Marching band my senior year... One of the parents of the members followed us everywhere and took pictures. This was at like 7am, we were playing on a street corner.... And I was probably wondering when food was gonna happen.

15. A picture of you when you were a different person than you are now.

I am very different now in a LOT of ways.

16. A picture of you in a fashion "don't".

It was Halloween. Enough said.
Oh god. I think this picture could go for 17 as well.

17. A picture of yourself that you hate.

Not only am I stuffing my face, my cheeks look weird and I look like I'm on drugs. :x

18. A picture that describes how you'd like to spend everyday.
It's a tie:

With David, the boyfriend :)

Or with my best friends...
Actually, I'd like a combination of the above, but I don't have a picture for it.

19. A picture of a time when everything was changing.

summer after my senior year... Yeaa.

20. A picture that makes you smile.

The end of a REALLY awesome summer.

21. A picture of the best day (or night) of your life.
lol I don't think I could choose.

Ah!

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 00:20:16 GMT

I'm pretty sure almost everyone has gone through at least one period where everything seemed to be going wrong, where you felt like it was the end of the world, and you just don't want to go on anymore... I know, a little melodramatic, but I'm sure we've all been there at least once.

I know this past week has been just one thing on top of another, for me. But with the help of my boyfriend and friends, I have managed to get back on my feet so I can keep going.

My question is... What do you do when your SO is feeling this way? But not just once in a blue moon. Every time something goes wrong, they make it seem like the end of the world.

My boyfriend is like this, and it can sometimes be exhausting. I know for a fact that, as a person, he's a bit of a cynic, and tends to get depressed easily. Not that he's an unhappy person around me, mind you. We're a very happy couple most of the time and enjoy each other's company immensely. But when things go wrong, he gets really upset.

Whenever I get upset (whether it's with him or just because... I'm not unreasonable, but I can't always be happy), he says he feels like all he does is upset me and that he can't make me happy.

Just to give you a more specific idea... He recently had to get the clutch replaced in his car, which cost $500. He lives on his own and had to pay for it himself, which isn't easy, considering he's living from paycheck to paycheck. He very reluctantly accepted my help in paying for this (he ended up needing only $20), but let me know that he'd be tight for money for the next three months.

That happened a little under three weeks ago. Today, he got a ticket on his way to work and ended up being late as a result. Money being tight, I think he got really upset, figured he couldn't pay it and texted me saying he just wanted to give up. I always offer to pay for things if he's tight for money, since I live at home and can lend him money from my savings, knowing he'll pay me back. He just really hates to accept that from me.

My problem is, whenever things like this happen, I feel like it's my responsibility to make him feel better and assure him things will be okay. I'm okay with cheering people up. It's just frustrating when you're dealing with a pessimist, who you love. And when I can't make him feel better, I feel like I'm failing as a girlfriend.

Beyond that, I'm burned out, and just don't know if I can be the strong one right now... It's been one helluva week for me, too.

How do you handle when things get tough?

one sided?

Wed, 21 Jan 2009 04:53:03 GMT

Sometimes I feel like I put too much value and effort into things.

My boyfriend works five days a week so that he can go to school and still leave nearby. Now I understand, this makes him very busy, and I genuinely appreciate that, other than school, he spends nearly all his time with me. Maybe I'm spoiled as a result.

About a week ago, he texted me at work, telling me he'd call when I got home. Despite our 7am class the next morning, I stayed awake, waiting and waiting for him to call. By 12:30 I was getting a little frustrated and texted him again to ask if he had fallen asleep. He finally called back and said sorry, he'd forgotten to call and had left his phone in his car, but he was watching a movie, so basically he didn't want to talk after all.

I was pretty hormonal at the time and took it really personally, and cried over it and called one of my best friends and cried to her about it and she comforted me. He texted me later telling me how awesome the movie was and I texted back a very cold "that's nice." He could tell I was upset and I told him I was just a little disappointed, but stewing and thinking about it just upset me more, because I couldn't decide what was worse, what he had done in the first place to make me cry, or that I felt like such a nuisance in his life.

The next day after a lot of tears and silent treatment, we made up. This weekend (in which we ended up staying home instead of going to his dad's--His decision entirely), I spent the night at his house and the entire time I could tell something was wrong, and after a LOT of bothering (And a game of 20 questions in which he said he would tell me if I won), I got out of him a couple of things that were on his mind. One of them being that he felt afraid to turn me down for any reason after what had happened earlier that week. I explained that half of the reason I was upset was that I didn't want to get in the way of his life, and what he wanted to do.

And I meant that. As a result, I'm trying to be a little more understanding.

The weekday he had off this week happened to be today, which, unfortunately, is one of the few weekdays that I work. Tomorrow, however, is Wednesday, which means he only has our morning class and is free until he works at five after. I asked if he had plans, or was hoping to do homework, and he said he wanted to hang out. I was supposed to have a meeting with a couple of coworkers and my boss tomorrow around 3, but I told them I couldn't make it (and we rescheduled) so that I'd be able to spend time with him, knowing he'd probably be busy the rest of the week[end].

So tonight on my way home from work he tells me he's going out to eat with his roommates and some of their friends (who are older than us). Cutting to the point, he eventually told me he might not come to school tomorrow (in order to go to a club, or possibly even hang out at his house with them and get drunk).

Well, he's living his life, I should let it be, right? Problem is, I feel pretty damn stupid now for cancelling my work meeting, not to mention I feel a slight twinge of irritation towards his acting so irresponsible. And on top of it, I feel like crap and I can't tell him. I know there's some things I should just keep to myself, but as I said, sometimes I feel like I put a lot of effort into things that aren't as important to the people around me.

First blog?

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 20:46:32 GMT

So tonight, my boyfriend and I had planned an evening at his house, cooking dinner, renting a movie, and then sleeping over, which is actually one of our favorite things to do. (At least it is for me, and I'd assume the same for him... As it saves money and is much more fun and intimate than going out to a restaurant.) For the past month or so, money has been very tight, so it's become a little routine for us to not go out at all, and everytime I pay for myself when we're out to eat while we're at school, he mentions how much he hates it.

Anyway, I digress. We had a quiet evening planned, and he texted me earlier today and said his dad was having a bbq, and asked if I wanted to go do that. I told him it was up to him, and meant it... He's always asking what I want to do, and while I usually am pretty indifferent and try to tell him it's up to him, I usually end up making the final decision on a lot of the things we do together. So he texted me back (as usual) asking "no, really." And I told him I just wanted to be with him, and whatever he really wanted to do was up to him.

Usually that would be true. However, the one time he accepted that and said ok, I actually really don't want to go. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for spending time with family, and I think he should, which is why I'm not going to push my opinion, but I'm sick of large group functions. Friday, we watched the last 10 minutes of a basketball at my old highschool and met up with a bunch of my friends that were still in HS, and went out to eat with them after the game. And last night I hung out with one of my best friends and her boyfriend, and we ended up having a small party at her boyfriend's house. And tonight we're going to a family friend's house for a really early dinner (ie- 2pm). I love people and all, but I'm sick of big groups, and I'm ready for some one-on-one sort of interacting.

I'm more than ready for a quiet night in, but I'm leaving it up to him this time. Would that qualify as dishonest? For once, I really do want to let him do what he wants, since he's finally willing to make the choice. I almost texted him telling him I'd rather not go, but I realize that's a little selfish at this point.

Lots of text for one little issue, but I'm just trying to get started writing here. :)

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 19:49:08 GMT

starting a datingish account. :)