Sometimes I feel like I put too much value and effort into things.
My boyfriend works five days a week so that he can go to school and still leave nearby. Now I understand, this makes him very busy, and I genuinely appreciate that, other than school, he spends nearly all his time with me. Maybe I'm spoiled as a result.
About a week ago, he texted me at work, telling me he'd call when I got home. Despite our 7am class the next morning, I stayed awake, waiting and waiting for him to call. By 12:30 I was getting a little frustrated and texted him again to ask if he had fallen asleep. He finally called back and said sorry, he'd forgotten to call and had left his phone in his car, but he was watching a movie, so basically he didn't want to talk after all.
I was pretty hormonal at the time and took it really personally, and cried over it and called one of my best friends and cried to her about it and she comforted me. He texted me later telling me how awesome the movie was and I texted back a very cold "that's nice." He could tell I was upset and I told him I was just a little disappointed, but stewing and thinking about it just upset me more, because I couldn't decide what was worse, what he had done in the first place to make me cry, or that I felt like such a nuisance in his life.
The next day after a lot of tears and silent treatment, we made up. This weekend (in which we ended up staying home instead of going to his dad's--His decision entirely), I spent the night at his house and the entire time I could tell something was wrong, and after a LOT of bothering (And a game of 20 questions in which he said he would tell me if I won), I got out of him a couple of things that were on his mind. One of them being that he felt afraid to turn me down for any reason after what had happened earlier that week. I explained that half of the reason I was upset was that I didn't want to get in the way of his life, and what he wanted to do.
And I meant that. As a result, I'm trying to be a little more understanding.
The weekday he had off this week happened to be today, which, unfortunately, is one of the few weekdays that I work. Tomorrow, however, is Wednesday, which means he only has our morning class and is free until he works at five after. I asked if he had plans, or was hoping to do homework, and he said he wanted to hang out. I was supposed to have a meeting with a couple of coworkers and my boss tomorrow around 3, but I told them I couldn't make it (and we rescheduled) so that I'd be able to spend time with him, knowing he'd probably be busy the rest of the week[end].
So tonight on my way home from work he tells me he's going out to eat with his roommates and some of their friends (who are older than us). Cutting to the point, he eventually told me he might not come to school tomorrow (in order to go to a club, or possibly even hang out at his house with them and get drunk).
Well, he's living his life, I should let it be, right? Problem is, I feel pretty damn stupid now for cancelling my work meeting, not to mention I feel a slight twinge of irritation towards his acting so irresponsible. And on top of it, I feel like crap and I can't tell him. I know there's some things I should just keep to myself, but as I said, sometimes I feel like I put a lot of effort into things that aren't as important to the people around me.
Comments (3)
Hmmm, reading everything that you wrote so far. I think at the same time that he should be a little bit more understanding of your feelings as well. The relationship does seem to be more one-sided. Are there any compromises he gives up in order to make you happy on different occasions?
Also, you wrote that he wants you to let him live his life and let him do whatever he wants (though as selfish as that is), then i guess it should be the same for you.
@mashimaroboi@xanga - he does drive here to visit me (we live about 30 minutes apart, and school is in the middle), though i could definitely say the same for myself. and it's not like he's a bad boyfriend... i got two flat tires driving to his house once, and he came to pick me up, and then next morning, he followed me all the way home to make sure nothing happened on my spare.
what i mean by letting him do what he wants is... not being afraid to enjoy himself when i'm not there for fear that i'll be upset at him if he does.
however, as an update, i did tell him i was upset, and he said even though he couldn't make it to class, he'd drive out to see me later in the day. later in the day, i texted him, and he was sick and hungover, and really didn't feel up to anything. i told him i was sick of the empty promises, and we fought, and eventually i did drive to his house and after a lot of tense silences and tears on both sides, things are okay.
thankyou for the feedback. :)
You said that you don't want to have him rearrange his life for you, and you shouldn't rearrange your life for him. Cancelling a meeting with your boss because he wanted to hang out probably wasn't the best idea, and you can't really be too upset with him for it because he didn't know that you did that. It's okay to tell him you don't have time to hang out if you actually don't, and it's not fair to him to get upset when he changes plans that were never that serious (it's not like it was a date or anything).